If You Find Me
by Deevie-Kuo
Summary: Clary stroked the baby's velvet soft cheek as her little eyes took in the new surroudings. Clary's face hardened, and she thought of something her mom once told her. "Once you have hope, anything is possible." She recited. Clary Fray and her daughter have been living as Sebastian Morgenstern's prisoners for almost three years. They have been found, now they must learn to live again
1. Once You Have Hope

**Summary:** Clary Fray and her two-year-old daughter have been living as Sebastian Morgenstern's prisoners for almost three years. Back in New York, a clueless Jace Herondale—along with the clave—have been searching high and low for the redheaded Shadowhunter. When her captor and his followers are all brought to justice and Clary is tracked down, she and her daughter have to forget about their imprisonment and learn how to live again. Jace also has some learning to do though, because he is now aware of his daughter's existence and must make up for the three years of her life Jace missed out on...it won't be easy.

Set after: City Of Lost Souls...I think...most probably.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN The Mortal Instruments series, it belongs to the amazingly talented (goddess) Cassandra Clare whom I love so much for creating this other world I can bury my crappy grades and extreme social anxiety in! :D

Trivia (fun fact) : I first read The Mortal Instruments in 2009 (when I was nine) and became hooked and slightly traumatised :D

Enjoy!

-DeevieKuo (Amy)

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 **IF YOU FIND ME**

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Chapter One: Once You Have Hope.

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Although his mouth was covered with a cloth stained with his blood, Jace could see Sebastian Morgenstern smirking at him. The white-blond boy's eyes crinkled in a way that expressed nothing but happiness. This was the bastard who brutally murdered his little brother, Max. This was the evil waste of skin who kidnapped his girlfriend almost three-years-ago and sent him torturous visions of her suffering to the point where he avoided sleeping at all costs. Now, the clave had finally caught him and brought him to justice, the penalty for his list of unimaginable crimes was execution.

But the bastard was still breathing, Jace couldn't stand it.

With a livid growl, Jace tuned out of the conversation between Alec, Isabelle, Magnus, and Robert to speed toward the smirking scum who sat in an iron chair, covered from head to toe in heavy chains. Jace swung his arm back and let his fist meet Sebastian's face, causing his head to snap back abruptly. He'd make the disgusting excuse of air pay for everything he'd done to Clary, everything. Clenching his jaw, Jace's arm swung back once again and—

Robert lunged before he could hit him a second time, yanking Jace away from the still-grinning Sebastian. He managed to spit in his face before Robert pulled him out of the way, yelling for him to calm down as Jace shouted strings of expletives at the top of his lungs.

"I hate you! I'll kill you for touching her, I will make sure you're in agony for every second you've been keeping Clary away from her family—"

"Jace stop!" Alec ordered, as he watched his dad wrestle his raging parabatai. "That won't help us find Clary, will it?"

Jace froze, and he couldn't stop the sobs wracking his chest as he all lost control over his legs and fell to his knees, he'd told himself and the others before he accompanied them to the bone city that he would control himself, but he just thought of the sickening events Sebastian showed to him through his dreams Clary's excruciating screams that scared him out of his unconsciousness. He couldn't not give Clary's captor a piece of his mind after everything he'd put his girlfriend through.

Jace felt a hand land on his shoulder, he turned his head to see Isabelle. "I'm sorry, but you should've seen what he did to her. It's not something I can just forget about."

"We know, and we don't expect you to. Do you want to get some air? You don't need to stay in here you know." Isabelle said softly, fighting back her own tears.

Jace looked up hesitantly, Sebastian was now chuckling despite the purpling bruise forming on the side of his jaw. The anger he felt caused his stomach to lurch and he took Izzy up on her offer as he climbed to his feet again, rushed up to the light and entered the marble cemetery to let his dinner fly. Isabelle rubbed his back as he heaved and retched into the grass, his disturbance clearly evident as he gasped for air.

"Do you feel all right?" Isabelle asked, looking down at her brother with concern.

"No." He said, straightening and turning away from the vomit to overlook the headstones illuminated by moonlight. "Not until she's found."

* * *

"Mama, wate up."

The little voice pulled Clary out of her slumber and her vision adjusted to see the upset toddler kneeling beside her on the straw covered floor. Hope Jocelyn Herondale was her name, and although there wasn't any official birth certificate for proof, it was the name Clary gave to the baby girl she'd birthed in this very cell almost three years ago.

"I 'fraid." Hope whispered, her green eyes glossy with tears.

Clary's heart contracted and she sat herself upright before pulling her daughter into her lap and resting her chin lovingly on the crown of her small head. "You're afraid? Why are you afraid?" Clary asked softly, her voice drowsy with sleep.

"Basti." Hope wavered.

At that, a single tear escaped the young mom's eye and landed in the toddler's fair hair, Clary bit her lip until she tasted copper. "Sebastian won't hurt you again, all right? Not while mommy's here to protect you."

"Basti made ouchie."

With a breath of preparation, Clary took Hope's little hand and rolled up the sleeve of her stained nightgown. Like always since the night her little girl was harmed, she couldn't stop the tears from coming as she stared down at the healing gash on the two-year-old's little arm.

It happened two weeks ago:

 _Hope had been asked to leave the room so Sebastian could deliver Clary's punishment for stealing a loaf of bread a day prior. But the little girl just clung to Clary even tighter when she saw the leather whip in Sebastian's hand and stayed frozen to the spot, burying her face in the crook of her mom's neck. Sebastian was growing increasingly impatient as Clary tried to pry her off and shove her toward the door in a desperate attempt to keep her safe, but it only resulted in Hope bursting into tears and throwing a tantrum._

 _A sickening crack soon echoed through the room and he'd done it, he'd harmed Hope._

 _The toddler was too shocked to make a noise as she dashed out of the room in a panic, holding her wounded arm. Clary's heart was beating out of her chest as she leaned forward on her hands and knees to let her stomach contents hit the straw before gaining control of her breathing and launching a string of expletives toward her captor._

"Mama?"

Clary left her reverie to realise that she was still peppering kisses against her daughter's healing skin, she longed for her stele to make the ugly gash on Hope's arm go away, and to get rid of the constant sting of her own wounds too. Unfortunately, she hadn't seen her stele since the day she was snatched off the streets of New York and locked up in this small and dark cell, pregnant and terrified.

"Yeah baby?" She answered, rolling her sleeve back down before pulling her back to lie with her on the straw. Hope yawned and snuggled close to Clary, wrapping her little arms around her neck and burying her face in her chest.

"Sing."

Clary obliged and the quiet hum of her voice filled the room, Hope kept her eyes on Clary's as they began to droop, green upon green until they finally fluttered closed. Clary remembered when Hope had first opened her eyes, the feeling she got when she first saw those eyes were unlike any other, it completely made up for the excruciating four day labor she'd been forced to go through.

...

 _"Please…somebody help me…anybody."_

 _She was freezing, shaking, trembling. Her breathing labored, pain searing through her bulging abdomen, bloody water still pooling under the skirt of one of the many sleazy outfits Sebastian made her wear._

 _The pains bloomed every few minutes, making her gasp and writhe against the floor. She moved to her knees and began to drag herself toward the cell door which she hit until her knuckles bled. As she slammed her fists against the wood a sharp, intense pain shot through her midsection and she screamed, breathing unevenly and pleading the angel to make it stop._

 _Her heart jumped when she heard heavy footsteps against creaky floorboards. Looking up, she found staring at the pale face of her brother, staring down at her from the small barred window at the top of the door with his fathomless black eyes._

 _His unexpected smirk sent a shiver down her aching spine. "A little uncomfortable there, little sister?…"_

 _"I need a doctor Sebastian, we both knew this day would come and you promised me a safe birth—" Clary gasped as another wave of pain overwhelmed her. "I-I can't have a baby in this hell-hole!"_

 _"Maybe you should've thought about that before you got frisky with angel boy..." Sebastian had entered the cell by then and was kneeling before Clary, a hand under her chin as he pondered something._

 _Clary bit her lip in a desperate attempt to not look vulnerable in his presence, something she'd been doing since the nine month long period of her time here. The pain finally subsided and she let her muscles relax. "If I knew I was going to be kidnapped by my insane brother I would've made sure no child of mine would have the misfortune of laying eyes on you! I hate—"_

 _"Ah ah ah." Sebastian chuckled. "I'd be careful what you say to the man keeping you and your…thing alive. If it weren't for its potential then I would be sure to snap its neck the second you squeezed it out. But taking into consideration the possibility of its power in the future, wow...I can just see it now, little Sebastian Mogenstern the second, bearing double the amount of angel blood as he follows in genius uncle Sebastian's footsteps...And if it's a girl, well…" he moved closer to her sweat covered face. "You won't be the only female bringing in the bucks, you could even catch some breaks."_

 _Clary felt her blood turn to ice. "You evil fucking—"_

 _"Yeah whatever, i've heard it all before." Sebastian groaned. "Not long to go now, is there?" He straightened, gesturing to her contracting stomach. "Give me a shout when you decide to ask politely and I might just send someone in to help you deliver that baby. Until then, cheerio."_

 _He smirked evil, and blew out the single torch burning on the wall, plunging the cell into darkness._ _"Maybe i'll tell Jace about his imminent new arrival after all, I just love watching him squirm when I let him know all the ways in which you belong to me." He said, from outside the cell. "I wonder what his reaction will be if I tell him about this? Anyway, I must dash. Goodnight, dear sister."_

 _Another wave of pain shot through her and she let out a shriek, an expression of both agony and fury. She had no idea he was in touch with Jace, she wondered what he was telling him. She hoped he was coping, she hoped everyone was coping without her._

 _The next day, Sebastian drew a mysterious rune on her abdomen, the only thing that was familiar to her was the fact that it was obviously demonic. She begged for him to stop, fearing for her baby's life as the stele burned the foreign pattern on her skin._

 _The labor pains didn't stop, but unbeknown to Clary the labor itself did. All she could do was hope, hope that Sebastian would tell her what he did to the baby, what the hell did that demonic rune do? Would she end up giving birth to a monster like her mother did?_

 _Another day passed, two. The rune had faded, and the pains increased. Clary felt the baby's head quickly beginning to emerge and with an excruciated scream, she spread her legs. The stone wall of the cell felt somewhat soothing as she began to push with all the energy she could scrape up._

 _She thought of everything that was good in the world as her baby started to arrive. It was the least she could do if that rune really had done something demonic to her baby. As a tear slipped down her face, the image of she and Simon playing together at Luke's farm flashed behind her eyelids, she thought of Izzy ushering everyone around a table of awful food, a crusted spatula sitting in her hand and a wide smile on her face. Then she thought of Alec and Magnus, fast asleep on the couch with the chairman sandwiched between them._

 _Lastly, she saw Jace. His hearty laughter filling her senses, the sun glistening an outline on his hair, giving him the illusion of having a halo as he moved his hand through her coppery curls._

 _The shrill cry echoing through the cellar yanked Clary from her visions, and with trembling breaths she brought the small body from up between her legs, onto her chest._

 _She'd done it, she'd finally given birth to a teeny tiny baby girl._

 _The agony she'd gone through just seconds ago was long forgotten about as she stared down at the screaming baby cradled in her arms. And, for the first time since her kidnapping, Clary was smiling._

 _The baby hushed her cries at the rhythm of Clary's gentle rocking and after a moment, her eyes fluttered open to stare up at Clary, quizzically._

 _To Clary's utter relief, the baby's eyes were green, the same piercing green color of a fairchild and not the heinous black orbs of the experiment Valentine had conducted. Her baby wasn't corrupted, she was healthy. And what filled her with delight the most was that the little girl had golden blonde locks, just like Jace._

 _The newborn's hand went up and Clary took ahold of it, finding it so unbelievable that a human could have fingers so tiny and fragile. Then those little fingers latched onto her pinky, encasing it in the most heartwarming way. Clary was falling for this little girl faster than a whippet chasing a rabbit, she felt a love so strong and pure course through her very being. This child was so small, so innocent of the world that had given her the awful luck of being born in the confinements of the bloodstained stone walls. A while ago, Clary had given up all hope of ever escaping the hands of her brother but simply looking at the little baby she and Jace made together filled her with determination to get back to her family, back to her mom and Luke, her friends and Jace. She felt a responsibility to fight for this little baby, she wanted her to spend as little time as possible in this place, wherever it was._

 _"We'll get out of here, and that's a promise." she whispered. "It may be impossible to escape from here ourselves but I know that your daddy will be doing everything to come get us, he's Jace Herondale the unstoppable and I know he'll find us one day."_

 _Clary stroked the baby's velvet soft cheek as her little eyes took in the new surroudings. Clary's face hardened, and she thought of something her mom once told her. "Once you have hope, anything is possible." She recited._

 _The baby's little mouth turned up in what Clary swore was a smile, and it quickly had her doing the same._

 _"You like that don't you? Do you like Hope?" She asked, rhetorically. "All right then, it's settled. Welcome to the world, Hope." she said and pressed a kiss to her head._

 _..._

Clary watched the torchlight cast shadows upon her sleeping daughter's face as she raked her hand through Hope's oily blonde curls. She was listening out for Sebastian and his followers, resisting sleep. She knew it was unlikely for her brother to miraculously show up, he'd been gone for days now. After almost three years, the opportunity to make an escape was presenting itself. The only downside was that Clary had no recollection of being brought to this cell, she had no idea where she was or where Sebastian was, it was too dangerous and now that she had a toddler to think about she didn't want to risk it, she knew what her brother and his men were capable of.

Maybe the clave had finally tracked him down? No. that was impossible, Sebastian was smarter than every single being on this earth, he made no mistake.

With a sigh, she buried her face in Hope's hair and let the rhythm of her daughter's light snoring lull her into a deep sleep.

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 _ **So what do you think? Make sure to leave me a review letting me know your thoughts (I don't bite) unless you diss Clace, Malec, or Sizzy, or turn me into a vampire if you do don't expect me to not bite.**_

 _ **I'll get chapter two up when those delicious reviews start coming ;)**_

 _ **Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **Peace, Hugs, Clace.**_

 _ **-Deevie-Kuo**_


	2. Those Green Eyes

Hey guys! I'm back with another chapter, thank you so much for all your kind reviews! :) much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN The Mortal Instruments series, it belongs to the amazingly talented (goddess) Cassandra Clare whom I love so much for creating this other world I can bury my crappy grades and extreme social anxiety in! :D

Trivia (fun fact) : I am from the United Kingdom :)

Enjoy!

-DeevieKuo (Amy)

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 **IF YOU FIND ME**

~.~

Chapter Two: Green Eyed Girl

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Well?"

Robert Lightwood sighed as he looked down at his anticipating adoptive son. Robert really felt for him, the things that Clary's brother admitted back in the Bone City were downright awful. He'd only spoken to the girl a couple of times, she seemed such a polite and likeable young lady and certainly deserved none of Sebastian's indecent acts. He worried about Jace too, he just wasn't the same snarky Shadowhunter he once was without Clary.

"She's in Spain." Alec told him, adjusting the sheath of arrows on his back.

Jace furrowed his eyebrows. "Spain? How...? Surely the clave would've tracked them leaving the country, surely—"

"Well, she is at the moment. Sebastian was teleporting the place to various different countries using very powerful demonic rituals but now that we know the building Clary's being held in I managed to teleport it back to america." Magnus told him, standing beside Alec but not quite reaching his height. His cat-like eyes glinted.

"How did you—?" Jace began, only to be cut off by Robert.

"We used the sword on him, honestly I didn't think he was going to talk but he did, he told us everything, I…" Robert paused to exhale deeply, evidently distressed as he looked down at his adoptive son. "I'm sorry son, be glad you got out of there when you did, you didn't wanna hear the details. That poor girl." Robert shook his head, staring down at the grass.

Jace's heart contracted, maybe he didn't empty his stomach after all. "She's all right though, isn't she? Tell me she's safe." He pleaded, destroyed.

"If I knew, Jace, I would tell you." He replied. "I'll request to assemble a search and rescue mission tomorrow morning and—."

"Do it now." Jace ordered, clenching his fist.

"I beg your pardon?" Robert said, blinking.

"She could be dying as we speak, you heard about the grotesque things he did to her. I told you, I saw it in my dreams, he made me see what he was doing to her. We're going to get her right now, i've waited three years!"

"And another day won't matter next to those years, Jace." Robert told him, folding his heavily muscled arms across his chest.

Jace bolted from his seat, almost losing his footing as he matched Robert's height. "Of course it fucking matters! Every minute that passes by _matters_!" His voice wavered, and he cleared his throat, shutting his eyes in anguish.

"I understand—"

"No, you don't understand! What if it were Izzy that son of a bitch kidnapped? How would you feel if he made you watch him do unspeakable things to her? made you dread going to sleep at night?" Jace questioned, gritting his teeth.

Robert exhaled slowly, closing his eyes as Jace went on.

Jace was too annoyed to take notice. "How would it make you feel not knowing if she were dead or alive for three whole years—"

"Enough!" Robert growled, his fists clenched by his sides. "That's enough."

Jace knew he'd taken it too far, but the thought of Clary spending another day away from home after the years she'd gone through being violated was so unbearable for him, it wasn't right to leave her in danger like that.

"Well?" Isabelle spoke up, from the stone bench worn with acid rain. "How would you have felt?"

Robert shook his head in reply before throwing the hood of his gray robe over it. "I'll inform the clave when I get you home, i'll request the rescue mission for this afternoon. However i'm not allowing your assistance for this mission, and that goes for all three of you."

Jace, Alec and Izzy began to protest.

Jace was particularly annoyed. "What the hell do you mean? Of course i'm going on the mission—"

"Look," said Robert, throwing his hands out. "I'm not going to sugar coat it. The girl has been raped, tortured, starved and wherever she's being held, i'm certain she has negative associations with it. We don't want to overwhelm her or scare her with too many familiar faces or she could have a meltdown. I've been on similar kinds of missions before. Weren't you listening in the clave meetings?"

Jace didn't respond, only turned on his heal to beeline in the direction of the Silent City's entrance, ignoring the Lightwood's and Magnus's protests as he used his increased angel strength to power toward the still-open city and past the clearly displeased Silent Brothers.

"Is she all right!?" He growled, shaking the steel bars as his gaze burned into the thing chained before him, the chains were made from addamas and inflicted pain on the demon-boy whenever he tried to move.

"Answer me, dammit!" Jace demanded.

Sebastian pulled his head up to look at the seething Jace and started to chuckle. At first it was low and mocking, and then it came out in rib breaking laughter. Blood bubbled in his mouth, the aftermath of the punch he'd received from Jace not long ago. "Do you really want that slut back, after everything I sent you? Wow, angel boy, you really are messed up."

Jace kicked the bars. "You're the one who's messed up! Now tell me exactly how Clary is!?"

Sebastian raised a white eyebrow. "Hmm, petite...redheaded, and excellent in the bedroom."

"That's it!" Jace roared, pulling out his stele in an act of rage. "I'm gonna rip off all of your limbs, one by fucking one!"

Placing the stele against the heavy padlock in preparation to draw the opening rune, Jace breathed heavily. Then, an invisible force knocked the air from his lugs and sent him flying toward the stone wall behind him, smacking his head and blurring his vision for a moment.

"You stupid Nephilim, you should've learned by now that getting too close to me only ends in tears." Sebastian smirked. "My dear Clarissa knows as much."

Jace was spitting crimson. "You sick bastard." He grimaced, unable to resist Sebastian's binding power.

"You really are pathetic, angel boy. Why is it that Clarissa was able to keep your offspring alive yet mine died? Surely they should've been a lot stronger than your thing—"

The addamas chains suddenly gave off a blinding glow and Sebastian's head swung back and stayed there, Jace's utter confusion ceased as he slipped into unconsciousness the echoey voice of Alec was the last thing he remembered hearing before he fell to the ground.

...

Ross Hazebrook, one of Sebastian's most prestigious allies bolted down the winding steps to the cellar with one intention only; to grab the kid and leave. He didn't have a clue how the clave managed to arrest his master, but it wasn't important right now. Right now, all that mattered to Ross was taking the kid with the extra angel blood and using her as a weapon. The Herondale boy and the Fairchild girl both had unique gifts, the little girl was bound to have inherited one herself. Sebastian only cared about the child's unique gift if she had been born a boy, if that had been the case then he would've snatched the kid away and raised it himself. Instead, Clary gave birth to a girl. Ross didn't care though, the kid could be powerful. And now that his master had been thrown in the City Of Bones, he could no longer boss him around.

Ross fumbled for the correct key before finally pushing the heavy door. Once it'd opened, the light from the hallway shed more light in the dim room. They were laying there in the straw, both mother and child were out cold. The kid with her head buried in Clary's chest, and Clary holding her close. Ross smirked as he moved to stand above the sleeping huddled duo, and chuckled lightly.

"How precious." He said. "Say goodbye to mama."

After that, he bent down to rip Hope from her mom's arms without mercy. Immediately, Clary's maternal instincts kicked in and her eyes snapped open at the absence of her daughter's warmth.

"Mamamama!" Hope whined in a sleepy daze, as she wriggled in Ross's hold.

Clary scrambled to her feet, her eyes widening with panic as they locked on her screaming little girl.

"Get your disgusting hands off my-"

Ross drove his knee into Clary's stomach, sending her to the straw covered floor completely winded. Hope's cries grew more distressed as she leaned toward Clary's motionless form, reaching out with her little arms as tears slid down her rosy cheeks. Ross kicked the redhead in the ribs as a precaution, causing Hope to shriek again, horrified.

"Shhh, you don't need that slut as your mother. I'll be taking care of you from now on." Said Ross, unable to quite grasp how to hold a child as he tried to hoist her further up his large hip. "We best be on our way now, but let's make sure you're well hidden first."

Ross pulled out his stele and drew a glamour rune on the infant's arm, Hope screamed in agony as the pattern burned into her skin, she tried to move her arm away but Ross had it clamped down with his gigantic meaty hands.

With that, Ross abandoned Clary without a care and carried the terrified two-year-old up the cellar steps and out of the huge apartment. Hope squinted at the blinding light outside of Sebastian's teleporting apartment and stopped crying as she became mesmerized by her surroundings, everything looked so different outside of the dark and depressing cellar walls. And Hope was hearing strange sounds, smelling different scents, she was seeing the outside world for the very first time.

Ross quickly dumped Hope down on the backseat of a vast four by four before slamming the door shut and entering the front seat, the vehicle soon started moving, much to Hope's confusion as she sat there in her dirty pink t-shirt, skirt and pink tights. She wasn't tall enough to see out of the window, and was being jolted and jostled all over the place in this unfamiliar moving room.

Suddenly, Ross cursed and whacked the wheel in exasperation before pulling the car over to a stop. He turned around in his seat to face the trembling toddler and glared at her, prompting her to hide behind her little hands.

"I have to grab some fuel. Stay here, otherwise..." Ross pretended to slice his neck with his hand, Hope didn't understand it of course.

The toddler watched from the backseat as the strange bearded man hopped out from the car and slammed the door shut, startling her. When he was halfway down street, disappearing from Hope's range of sight, the little girl was left in complete silence. Her lip began to quiver and she burst into tears as she clambered to her knees and looked out of the window.

It turned out, though that Ross hadn't locked the door properly as it moved when Hope put her weight on it. Furrowing her little blonde eyebrows, the little girl sniffled before pushing the door further open with her little foot. She grunted as she put in all of her strength until the door was as far open as it could go. Carefully, the toddler put a shoeless foot on the sidewalk before toddling away from the now empty vehicle.

...

 _In the dream, Jace opened his eyes to an unrealistic electric blue sky. He realized that he was lying down in the grass. He sat up slowly to look around, and immediately recognized the location. For some odd reason, it was the hill near Wayland manor. The only sound he heard was the wind whisking through the trees._

 _Before long, Jace decided to stand up. He knew there was no way he could be in Heaven; if this were his paradise, it's missing the most important—_

 _"Hi."_

 _The small child-like voice came from behind him, and a warm chill surged through his body when he heard it. Goosebumps quickly ran across his arms, Jace turned around to find out who had said the word._

Jace's head was pounding when he came to, and his vision was blurred until he blinked a few times, and then it started clear. Alec and Isabelle were standing over him, worriedly. That was when he realized where he was, lying in the grass of the Marble Cemetery.

"Alright Alec, Izzy, give him some breathing room." Said Robert's voice from nearby.

He groaned and pulled himself up into a sitting position where he could now see the extremely annoyed faces of Alec, Magnus, Izzy and Robert. That dream had been so vivid, what was with the little kiddie voice? It couldn't have meant nothing because mostly all of Jace's dreams meant something, but maybe it was just the first real dream since Sebastian stopped worming his way into his head.

Then, Jace remembered the last thing he heard Sebastian say.

 _"Why is it that Clarissa was able to keep your offspring alive yet mine died? Surely they should've been a lot stronger than your thing."_

Jace heart skipped a beat.

"What the hell were you thinking!? If Magnus hadn't gotten to you and knocked out Sebastian we could've lost another sibling!"

He shook his head, shutting his eyes as he tried to gather all rational thoughts. But he couldn't hear the Lightwood's complaining over the sound of the last words Jace heard Sebastian say playing over and over in his head like a broken record. He needed to take a walk before he exploded.

"Sorry...I just, I need to go." Jace announced, before clambering to his feet and rushing toward the cemetery's exit.

He raced out of the cemetery, around bends and past clusters of shops; bumping carelessly into mundanes who will never be able to see through the glamour rune burned into his skin. He passed the weapons shop he visited with Clary numerous times and tried not to glance at the dodgy cross-eyed cat Clary'd made a joke about once and said he looked like Church gone on a cat-nip binge.

When he walked passed an alleyway however, his ears pricked up like a dog and he turned on his heel to hear the sound he almost missed a few seconds ago.

It was the sound of soft sobbing, tender and very child-like. Jace frowned and tugged at his leather jacket as he peered behind a nearby trashcan. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the tiny golden-haired toddler crouched on the floor, she looked up at him with a petrified expression and almost knocked him out with the piercing green eyes he knew far too well...

* * *

 **CLIFFHANGER! I'm sorry, but i'm that kind of writer who is quite fond of the ol' cliffhanger ;) you'll live, don't worry.**

 **Remember to leave me a cheeky review :D**

 **Peace, Hugs, Clace**

 **-Deevie-Kuo**


	3. Caught In The Crossfire

Thanks for all your kind reviews! Seriously, they mean a lot to me! Someone asked whereabouts in the UK i'm from. Hello there to that person! I am from Lancashire :)

Also I recommend (if you want to of course) that you read an adorable one-shot called I Can Imagine by VmFanFicFanatic. It's about Clary and Jace talking about babies after Magnus and Alec's baby Max arrived, she's thinking of making it into a multi-chapter story but needs you guys to give it some love.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN The Mortal Instruments series, it belongs to the amazingly talented (goddess) Cassandra Clare whom I love so much for creating this other world I can bury my crappy grades and extreme social anxiety in! :D

Trivia (fun fact) : I know BSL (British Sign Language)

Enjoy!

-DeevieKuo (Amy)

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* * *

.

 **IF YOU FIND ME**

~.~

Chapter Three: Caught In The Crossfire

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"Sweetie, it's dirty down there, come on out."

The little blonde girl shook her head hard enough to send her filthy golden blonde curls flying from left to right. Jace had been crouched in the alleyway for almost fifteen minutes trying to get the shaking toddler to come out from behind the trashcan. There was no way he was going to leave her here defenceless, it was obvious the girl—who couldn't be more than two or three—was traumatized, and for some reason, Jace felt like he knew her.

"Where's your parents? Don't you have a mommy?" Jace asked, his heart was aching for the shaking toddler.

The girl sniffled and shuffled further back on the floor. She was wearing a dirty pink t-shirt, denim skirt and pink tights that had bits of what looked like straw stuck to them, she wasn't wearing any shoes and her hair was tousled like she'd just woken up. The little girl's whole appearance had alarm bells ringing in Jace's head...this child looked like she'd just escaped from somewhere.

"Can you tell me your name, at least?" He asked, softly.

After a moment the toddler mumbled something under her breath, Jace strained his ears to make out her words but didn't manage to catch any of it.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I can't hear you. Do you think you can speak a little louder?"

"I called Hope." She said, a little louder this time. The girl—Hope—moved her hand to her face to wipe away a tear, still refusing to meet Jace's eyes. That's when he saw it, a glamour rune was etched just above her wrist. This wasn't the child of an ordinary mundane, no. This child had angel blood running through her veins. Without thinking, Jace reached out and caught the girl's little arm, startling her.

"It's all right, i'm not gonna hurt you, Hope. I just wanna take a look at that rune on your arm, may I?" Jace asked. "You have a very pretty name by the way."

A faint smile graced her lips at Jace's soft tone, and she met his gaze. The color of the child's eyes didn't fail to astound Jace once again…they were just like Clary's.

He shook the thought from his mind and examined the rune burnt into the toddler's skin. He couldn't imagine the pain she must've gone through, a Shadowhunter's first mark is always the most painful and Hope looked barely three-years-old. You had to be at least well into your teens before receiving your first mark, whoever'd done this to the poor girl was nothing but cruel.

"There's no wonder nobody noticed you." He muttered, his line of sight moving toward the floor. He looked seriously at her. "Do you know who did this to you? Because they shouldn't have, they were very mean to do this to you."

Hope looked like she was about to respond, and then her pretty eyes flickered to something behind Jace before widening. She panicked as her eyes darted from Jace to the man standing behind him.

"Dere!" She cries, pointing at Ross. "Meanie, meanie!"

"Well well well, isn't this just precious. i'm sorry child, I hate to have to interrupt your little family reunion but... " Ross sighed, running a finger along a pitch black—demonic—seraph blade. "That's the way it has to be."

Jace's head whipped around to see the chubby guy glaring at the toddler. He immediately rose to his feet and spun, shielding the Hope from his view. The guy seemed to look like any other Shadowhunter with a weapons belt loaded with seraph blades, daggers, a stele but Jace looked closer. The stele looked old and familiar, and then an image of a redheaded girl drawing out original runes with such delicacy crossed his mind…The stele belonged to Clary.

He pulled his seraph blade out of it's sheath. " _Jophiel_." He named it, through clenched teeth.

"Ah well, be thankful you at least get to say goodbye to your kid, the same can't be said for Clarissa. Wave bye bye to your daddy, dear child." Ross smirked, directing the last part toward where Hope was hiding.

For a moment, Jace's face fell in disbelief and he turned to face Hope who'd took off further down the alleyway to hide behind another trashcan. Her little face peered out for a while before disappearing. And in that moment, those pleading, piercing green eyes did something to him.

Jace whirled around and his blade clashed with Ross's, a sickening sound like yowling cat attacked Jace's ears as angelic met demonic. An overwhelming power consumed him as he swung it back and fourth, battling with Sebastian's minion. The sound of metal clanging together, angelic against demonic filled his ears as an intense rage controlled his every move.

"You're tricky, Herondale. I'll give you that, but you really are stupid if you think you can defeat one of Sebastian Morgenstern's men." Ross grunted, as his blade hit Jace's, sending powerful sparks flying.

"That's hardly something to be proud of considering your disgusting master is currently rotting in the city of bones, where it belongs." Jace replied, losing himself in the fight.

"Master Sebastian won't be needed anyhow. You see, he's trained a whole circle of us." Ross told him, spitting up phlegm. "And when we're together we're just as powerful as him. We fled when we heard the clave had him arrested, but we shall reunite and now that we've got your double-the-amount-of-angel-blood kid, you Shadowhunters won't stand a chance against us. Clarissa isn't useful to us, you can have your girlfriend for all we care…that is of course if she's still alive, I did make sure to give her a good kicking and you'll be glad to know the child witnessed it all.."

Jace loosened his grip on his seraph blade and all the air left his lungs as he tried to filter everything that just came out of this guy's mouth. It all came flooding back to him at once and he was forced to remember what Sebastian had said in the bone city. Ross took this as an advantage and dragged him to the floor where he placed the black blade against Jace's neck.

"Ha! Look at you, you're weak." Ross laughed, pressing the blade down hard enough to cut a little. "Any last words? I suggest you choose wisely, your kid is over there."

Suddenly a luminous blade pierced right through through Ross's chest, sticking out like a coat hook before disappearing. His eyes rolled back into his head as he placed a hand to his bloodied chest, then he fell against Jace dirtying him with the crimson liquid. Jace quickly rolled him off before getting back up onto his feet where Alec was standing before him, arms crossed tightly in front of his chest.

"Who the hell was—?" Alec stopped, his eyes falling on Jace as he bent to retrieve the stele from the dead man's weapons belt, Alec recognised it almost immediately. "Wait, is that...?

"Clary's stele, yes." Jace answered breathlessly, as he cleaned the blood off it with his shirt. "Look Alec, i've got a lot to explain and—"

Something bumped into Jace's leg. Hope had wrapped her arms around it, clinging to it as she whimpered into the fabric of his jeans. Alec immediately looked down and raised an eyebrow in confusion. Jace smiled and set a hand on the little girl's shoulder comfortingly, Hope tightened her grip reflexively.

"It's all right, your safe now." He whispered, his heart lurching.

Alec looked back up at Jace, questioningly. "Jace, did that kid see all of that? We've gotta get her back to her parents before—"

He shook his head. "We can't do that, Alec."

"Why? Who's kid is that anyway?" Alec questioned, watching his parabatai kneel down to the shaken toddler's level and say something quietly to her that Alec he couldn't quite catch.

Jace smiled at the little girl before taking her into his arms and hosting her onto his hip, Alec saw something flicker in Jace's eyes which took him off guard. He hadn't seen him light up like that since before Clary was abducted...

 _Clary_ , that's who the little girl reminded him of, Alec realized.

Jace sighed as Hope clung to fistfuls of his shirt, terrified. "Alec," he began. "This is Hope, I think she could be my daughter."

...

Clary roused to an excruciating pain in her ribs, she felt warm metal-tasting liquid running down the side of her mouth and could see it seeping into the straw. Tears blurred her view of the dark cellar as she weakly whispered Hope's name.

They say the only fallacy of a mother is never letting go of their child.

Clary disagreed.

Completely disagreed.

Her daughter was taken from her...

Before Hope was born Clary spent most days staring at the wall, counting the days, the tiles and even the strands of straw. And then, Hope finally arrived and made this miserable life more tolerable, Clary's blissfully ignorant little girl who knew no different than the four brick walls enclosing her inside the cellar of wherever.

 _"Cut it out, you'll make yourself puke." Clary giggled, trying to keep a serious face as she watched the two-year-old spin round and round in the torchlight, laughing uncontrollably as she flapped her little arms around and jumped up and down, occasionally losing her balance._

 _"I'mma ba'reena mama!" Hope hollered, happily._

 _Clary smiled faintly. "You sure are baby."_

 _Hope twirled until she became too dizzy and flopped down onto the straw with an adorable hearty laugh, her eyes scrunching up like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. It was clear to Clary that her daughter definitely didn't inherit her father's gracefulness when she took into account the way the torches flicked when she thumped onto the ground._

 _She sighed. "As graceful as a falling snowflake."_

To think she might never get to hear that uplifting laughter ever again shattered Clary's heart into millions of un-fixable pieces.

She drifted into unconsciousness again.

...

The team were ready and armed, so when they stepped into the tracked down apartment and set off a booby-trap of appearing demons, they naturally sprang into action. A few werewolves sprung for the weak spots, baring teeth and claws while Shadowhunters swung their seraph blades. Luke took the assignment of finding the hostage in which case was Clary, and bringing her to safety, but this place was so big and fancy he wasn't sure of where to turn first.

So he took off running to the farthest door in his werwolf form and twisted the door knob. It was locked. With a furious growl, Luke launched his weight against it and stumbled inside. He found nothing but walls lined with rails of skimpy outfits, lingerie and high heels, it made him shiver. Then, his eyes widened at the whips in the corner, crusted with blood.

Luke sucked in a breath and slammed the door and rushed past a fellow pack member who was in the process of ripping out the throat of a demon. An ugly, stinking one then hurtled toward Luke from behind a TV and he took it down with one powerful strike of his claw, impaling the nape of its neck and causing it to fold in on itself. Wiping the ichor on a nearby wall, Luke headed for another door beside an antique clock. He came to stand before a large modern looking living room, before he could decide nothing looked suspicious though, something caught his eye.

He noticed the colorful aztec print rug was looking a little askew, and so he moved it aside with one fluid motion. Underneath, was a large door to which Luke immediately pried open, he found himself looking down at steps dusted with straw, leading down into darkness. He sensed a demon coming up from behind him, and his eyes glinted without leaving the steps. When the demon was inches away and about to lunge, without turning around, Luke elbowed it forcefully and sent the toothed mutant slap bang into the wall behind it and then it was gone, leaving nothing but smoking ichor behind.

"You found something." Said Maryse's breathless voice from behind him, as she wiped some ichor off of her cheek.

"Yeah, I have a feeling we've found her. Can you stay up here and make sure the door doesn't shut, Maryse?" Luke asked, numbly bracing himself for whatever he might find down there.

"You have my word, Lucian." Maryse said, before handing him her witchlight from her pocket. "I just hope the poor girl's all right."

"Me too." Luke responded, and he descended the stone steps crossing his fingers tightly behind his back.

Luke stopped at a wooden door, and shoved it open. The witch light illuminated the small cellar before him, and she was laying in the middle of the floor in one of the skimpy outfits Luke had seen a couple of minutes ago, she wasn't moving and blood was dripping from her mouth to seep into the straw covered floor. Luke waited for what felt like an age for any sign of life, his eyes filling with unbelievably painful tears.

And then.

"L-Luke?"

* * *

 **Just so you guys know, I haven't forgotten about Jocelyn. She will no doubt play a huge part in the story too :)**

 **Peace, Hugs, Clace**

 **-Deevie-Kuo**


	4. Don't Look Back

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN The Mortal Instruments series, it belongs to the amazingly talented (goddess) Cassandra Clare whom I love so much for creating this other world I can bury my crappy grades and extreme social anxiety in! :D

Trivia (fun fact) : The very first fandom I ever wrote for was a cheesy Australian TV show called H2o Just Add Water, and I wasn't very good at it, haha! xD

A little shorter than the previous chapters, I'm not so sure why :/ maybe the creative juices weren't flowing as much as they should...but ah well, it's only shorter by a couple hundred words.

Enjoy!

-DeevieKuo (Amy)

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 **IF YOU FIND ME**

~.~

Chapter Four: A Mother's Love

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As they made their way through the streets of New York, Alec glanced at Jace who walked steadily beside him with Hope in his arms. The infant had now calmed down and relaxed in Jace's hold, and was looking up at the night sky as if she'd never seen it before.

"Sta." Hope pointed out, mesmerised by the thousands of stars glinting above her head.

Alec saw the realness in Jace's smile and it came as a relief, he thought he'd never see his parabatai smile again.

"That's right." Jace affirmed, his expression softer than velvet.

Hope set her head down on Jace's shoulder and yawned, Alec could now see her face very clearly and saw just how similar the two of them looked. Although the toddler's long curls were unkempt and filthy, underneath the dirt, her locks were the same shade as Jace's. As Hope nestled her head closer on Jace's shoulder Alec noted the way she absent-mindedly tapped her teeth together, it was such a small thing to pick up on. He wasn't sure at first, but now he was beginning to believe the unbelievable.

"Tinkle tinkle ittle sta..." Hope began to sing, sleepily. "I wonduh wha you awe."

After that, she fell silent and her breathing slowly evened out into light snores. Even Alec Lightwood, Mister-emotions-are-nothing-but-a-distraction, felt a sad smile grace his lips. Hope's tiny pink t-shirt hung loosely on her body and one of her arms bore a healing gash. He knew Jace noticed it too, he saw how he winced every time he laid eyes on it.

How anybody could do that to a child barely out of infancy, they would never know.

"So, you think she's yours?" Alec asked, once he was sure Hope was asleep.

"I know she's mine, Alec." Jace sighed. "And I think you know it too."

"But how do you know for sure—?"

Jace blew out a preparatory breath. "Back in the City of Bones, Sebastian was blabbering on like he usually does and then he asked me why Clary was able to keep my offspring alive but let his die."

Alec's eyes widened. "Oh no, Jace i'm—

"It's fine." He responded, uncomfortably. "Let's just get Hope back to the institute where she's safe."

Alec swore he saw Jace kiss the toddler's head from the corner of his eye, or maybe he just imagined it. Then, a chime to signal a incoming text came from Jace's phone, he retrieve it from the pocket of his black jeans with his free hand and slid the bar to unlock it.

"Thank the angel." Jace said, looking down at Isabelle's message. He looked up at Alec with glassy eyes. "They found her, let's pick up the pace."

Hope whimpered as Jace and Alec broke into a sprint, prompting Jace to hold onto her tightly and place a hand on the back of her head to keep it from being jostled too much. "Shh, you're all right," he whispered. "I've got you."

...

Jocelyn blew out an anxious breath as she paced back and forth across the living area of the institute, trying to calm her frantic heartbeat. She should've gone on the rescue mission, that way she wouldn't be the last to know wether her daughter was all right or not. In her lack of attention, she stepped right onto an open tube of paint of which she'd forgotten to put the cap back on. Merely missing slipping onto her back, she snapped out of her trance and tuned into the bright orange paint she'd been using to paint a sunset splattered on the floorboards.

"Shit…"

She snatched up the rag sitting on her easel and kneeled, wiping away the acrylic paint. But even doing so, she could not keep any kind of focus whatsoever. Her thoughts were only on what was happening somewhere in a teleporting apartment. Jocelyn pursed her lips and looked up at the clock, they'd now been gone for fifteen minutes.

She couldn't stop her mind from wandering to various scenarios, what if they'd ran into a trap? What if they couldn't find the stupid apartment? Or worst of all...What if they were too late?

"Jocelyn."

She looked up from where she was absent-mindedly scouring the spilled paint off the floor to see Maryse rushing in, smelling like nightime air with a strong hint of sulphur. Jocelyn stared at her with longing anticipation, and a big smile almost took over Maryse's face .

"We found her," she said, motioning with her head for Jocelyn to follow. "She's alive."

She was overwhelmed with relief as she abandoned the rag and the spilled paint to follow Maryse's lead where they rushed through corridors, the heels of Mayrse's shoes clicked fast against the floor before they both burst through the doors of the infirmary.

Jocelyn's heart sank immediately when she saw Clary laying there, her face was filthy and there were bits of straw sticking to the leather crop-top and short skirt. The shirt she was wearing gave Jocelyn a great view of her daughter's ribs, and it caused her breathing to pick up.

"M-my baby." Jocelyn stuttered, bringing a trembling hand to cover her mouth. She stifled a sob before turning on her heel and bolting out of the room, unable to bear seeing her daughter like this.

Isabelle, who was assisting Magnus and Luke shot Jocelyn a sad look, unable to stop her own tears from spilling down her cheeks.

Maryse met her daughter's gaze and shook her head. "I should've known it'd be too much for her."

Izzy nodded. "You can say that again. Why did you bring her in here when you knew we were yet to get Clary stablized?"

"Iz, is that you?" Came the raspy voice from behind her.

Isabelle immediately whirled around to look down at Clary who was now gaining consciousness as Magnus's fingers spurted blue magic across her black and blue ribs. Shakily, Izzy took her best friends weak hand in her own and smiled through tears gathering in her dark brown eyes.

"Yes, don't worry Clary. You're safe now, we've found you." Izzy told her, trying not to sound so upset.

Then, Clary's eyes darkened. She seemed to gain a little strength when she remembered her little girl's absence. "Hope..." She tried to exclaim, only for it to come out in a weak whisper. Isabelle looked confused as she watched Clary prop herself up on her elbows, her head whipping around the room frantically.

"Try not to move, you'll slow the healing process down." Magnus warned.

"I don't care!" Clary hissed, but yelped in pain when she tried to sit up further.

"I did warn you, biscuit." Magnus said, concentrating on mending her broken bones.

A sob escaped her lips, not because of the physical pain but because of the utterly heart stabbing pain she was feeling from letting Ross rip her baby away from her.

"She's gone, I failed to protect her..." She choked out, tears blurring her view of the antiquated infirmary ceiling.

"What are you talking about, Clary? Protect who? You were the only person I found in that cellar, there was no one else." Luke asked, deeply concerned and evidently hurting.

Clary couldn't breathe, she was absolutely distraught. "My daughter! I'm talking about my little girl! We were sleeping and then he grabbed her and kicked me down to the floor, I couldn't get to her and-and—"

"Mama!"

The little exclamation caused everyone's head to whip around and Clary to spring into an upright position, hissing in pain before her eyes landed on Hope. The little girl came speedily toddling over from where Jace—to Clary's astonishment—set her frantic being down on the floor. The colors stopped spurting from Magnus's fingers, as he too stared at the skinny little two-year-old.

Hope clambered onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her mom's neck, a searing pain shot through Clary's ribs and she couldn't stop herself from gasping in pain, causing Hope to shuffle away, green eyes wide as if she'd been burnt.

The toddler burst into long and powerful sobs, screwing up her face until it turned red.

"No, no baby. I'm all right, you didn't hurt me, angel." Clary said, overwhelmed with emotions as she looked around the room at the shocked faces before looking back at her crying daughter, she took the little girl's tiny hand and pressed a kiss to it before turning her little body around and pulling her close, hugging her from behind. "Mommy just has a boo boo at the moment." She whispered, trying to sound like she wasn't in pain.

Everyone was staring, but Clary couldn't care less, she was safe and she had her daughter back. Eventually, when Hope's blubbering calmed down, her eyes flickered up to meet Jace's who's expression was unreadable.

"Jace," she said, trying to ignore the dizziness that was beginning to take over. "How...did you find her?"

"Oh uh," Jace began, his mouth felt dry unable to believe he was actually talking to Clary. "She was in an alleyway, behind a trashcan. One of Sebastian's guys put a glamour rune on her, she was terrified when I found her."

His eyes looked sad as he studied the way her collarbone protruded behind her skin, the skimpy outfit she was no doubt forced to wear and the way her usually lively locks stuck to her neck like coppery garter snakes.

"Thanks...for saving our daughter." Clary smiled, as her eyelids began to droop and the corners of her mouth tugged into a seemingly delirious smile. "I-Im...sorry you couldn't meet her sooner."

"Clary!"

Isabelle acted quickly and snatched Hope off the bed before Clary fell back against the mattress and soaked it with blood from her back, Magnus's cat-like eyes widened with shock.

"Isabelle, get the kid out of here." Magnus ordered.

Izzy nodded and without hesitation, whisked the tearful infant out of the infirmary. Hope peered over Izzy's bare shoulder with a look Jace caught, and never wanted to see again.

"Maaaa-meee!" Clary heard her daughter's echoing, distant voice call out.

The blurring image of Hope reaching out desperately for her was last thing Clary saw before slipping into unconsciousness.


	5. Wash It Away

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN The Mortal Instruments series, it belongs to the amazingly talented (goddess) Cassandra Clare whom I love so much for creating this other world I can bury my crappy grades and extreme social anxiety in! :D

I hope you guys had an amazing Valentine's Day! (I slept for most of it and don't have a Valentine) but it was a good nap, my nap was my Valentine.

Trivia (fun fact) : Turquoise is my favourite colour!

Enjoy!

-DeevieKuo (Amy)

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* * *

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 **IF YOU FIND ME**

~.~

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Chapter Five: Wash It Away

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Jocelyn never thought that was the way she'd meet her first grandchild. She couldn't stop thinking about that little girl as she wrung out the cloth again and placed it gently down on Clary's forehead. Jocelyn looked at her daughter with a complete sadness, how terrifying it must've been to give birth alone in a dark cellar.

...

 _She'd been crouched on the floor, trying to slow her breathing as she sat with her head in her hands. Then, she heard heavy footsteps just inches away from her. She stood up, trying to look as sane as possible for whoever these people were. She saw Jace, his face was drained of color as he hung onto a fair-haired, green-eyed toddler in his arms. Alec was following behind with his sheath of arrows at his back._

 _Jocelyn was becoming increasingly anxious to know more about this little girl and why she looked so strikingly familiar._

 _"Jace." She called out, prompting the two Shadowhunters to whirl around and face her. "Who does that child belong to?"_

 _At the sound of Jocelyn's voice, the infant pulled her head away from Jace's shoulder and met her eyes. Jocelyn sucked in a breath as she took in the girl's appearance. Her t-shirt was dirty and covered in straw, she looked so delicate and thin, but not as thin as how she had seen Clary a few minutes ago. Also, the resemblance she bore to Clary was uncanny._

 _Jocelyn knew right away._

 _"Please don't tell me..." She trailed off, looking up at Jace who just gave her a knowing nod. Jocelyn blew out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "By the angel..."_

In the present, she placed a hand to her daughter's pale cheek and sighed.

.

For the first time in years, Clary wasn't in any pain. She no longer felt the intense stinging on her back caused by Sebastian's whip, or even the constant ache in her wrist from where her evil brother had broken it one time and it hadn't quite set right.

When her eyes fluttered open, she felt as light as a feather with only a little tenderness around where Ross had kicked her ribs in.

Into her range of vision came Luke who had ahold of her hand. She then felt something damp and cold on her forehead, Clary turned her head to see her mom who soon returned her gaze and choked on a sob.

"Oh baby." Jocelyn trembled, leaning down to place a lingering kiss to Clary's forehead. "I'm so sorry."

Clary blinked a few times to let her eyes adjust to the new light, and ran a hand through her dirty hair. Then, everything came flooding back to her in visionary fragments. Luke whispering comforting words in her ear as he pulled her off the cellar floor, New York buildings towering over her head, being brought to the institute, having an anxiety attack over Hope.

 _Hope_. Clary couldn't see her anywhere...

"Where's Hope?" Clary asked, holding her breath and moving into an upright position as her eyes desperately scanned the infirmary. She placed a hand on her sore ribs and grimaced at the twinge.

"Be careful, Clary. The last time you tried to move, you ripped open the wounds on your back." Luke told her, placing a hand on her leg. Clary flinched, and he immediately pulled it away like he'd touched hot metal. "God, i'm sorry—"

Clary looked away, a little embarrassed that her own father-figure had startled her. "It's fine. Now where did you put my daughter?"

"Isabelle went to heal her wound and give her a bath." Jocelyn informed her, prompting Clary to relax just a little. "Sweetie, I hope you don't mind me asking but is Hope—?" She began, concerned.

"No, Sebastian isn't her..." Her voice wavered, and she let her tears hit the sheets silently. Jocelyn immediately pulled her daughter into a hug and softly stroked her hair. "She's Jace's." Clary whispered, her throat tight.

"Oh sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you. I shouldn't have brought it up." Jocelyn said, pressing kisses to Clary's head.

There was heavy footsteps coming from the entryway, and then..."You're right, you shouldn't have. You know exactly what she went through."

It was Jace, and everyone's attention was turned to him when he spoke. He stood a few inches away from them with an unreadable expression.

After all the nights she spent away from him, Clary wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and never let go. But she wouldn't go through with it considering how she probably smelled.

"Forgive me." Jace sighed, shaking his head. "I just want her to be as comfortable as possible."

Clary sniffled and pulled away from her mom, trying to wipe away the tears that were flowing down her face, one after the other.

"I understand." Jocelyn told him, with a frown. "This is hard for us all."

Jace nodded, before looking to Clary and speaking softly. "Is it all right if we have a word?...In private?"

Both Luke and Jocelyn shot their daughter a questioning look, Clary smiled at them weakly. "It's all right, I trust Jace more than anyone."

She saw a corner of Jace's mouth twitch in what Clary classed as a smile, and it filled her with warmth. She watched her mom and Luke leave, Jocelyn glanced back for a moment before she allowed Luke to guide her out of the door.

"I wouldn't get too close, Jace. I probably stink." She told him, once the door clung shut.

"I don't care." He said, moving closer and taking a seat on Jocelyn's empty now chair. "I've got you back now, that's all that matter. Hope too." He took her cold hand into his warm one.

Clary's lips parted, reflexively. "Hope—"

"Is mine, I know. And let me just say Clary, she's the most precious and brave little girl i've ever met." He told her, in awe.

Clary smiled softly and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Thank you Jace, that means so much to me."

His eyes moved down momentarily to her lips as he swallowed the lump in his throat, just as their heads moved closer though, Jace stopped himself and cleared his throat not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. He definitely did not want to do anything too drastic considering the circumstances.

"Could I...take a shower? I feel so disgusting." Clary asked, itching to be under hot steaming water.

"Of course you can, Maryse has a room ready for you but...Are you strong enough walk?"

"I'll be fine, Magnus healed me didn't he?"

"Yeah but it's advised that you rest—"

"I've been sitting on my ass for almost three years Jace, I think that's enough resting for me."

Clary yanked the covers off her body and set her dirt covered feet on the floor, Jace stood up and tried to assist her only to be shoved away before walking awkwardly out of the infirmary in the oversized t-shirt Jocelyn had dressed her in while she was sleeping.

"You're so stubborn, know that Fray?" Jace huffed, as he watched her go.

A smile graced the redhead's lips, she never thought she'd ever hear him say those words to her again.

...

"There, see? All done, no need to cry."

Hope sniffled and looked at the now healed skin on her arm with her glassy eyes, her lip was trembling as she sat beside Isabelle on the queen-sized bed in a stained vest and undies.

"Tin you tiss it bettuh?"

Isabelle smiled in awe and took Hope's arm to press a light kiss to it. "There, does it feel better now?"

Hope nodded and Isabelle picked her up and set her bare feet down on the ground, cringing when she felt how thin she was. She shook off her expression though and headed into the en-suite, kneeling in front of the bathtub and dipping her hand into the running water.

"I'nna see my mama." Hope mumbled, pleadingly.

Isabelle pursed her lips as she proceeded to test the temperature of the bath water. Her heart was breaking for the toddler, she couldn't imagine how horrible it must've been to be shut out from the rest of the world, to only be able to call a small cellar underneath a psychopath's apartment her home. But then again, she supposed that's all Hope would've known. It was heartbreaking to dwell upon, but it was motivating Izzy to try to help Clary and Hope get their lives back.

Also, she'd always wanted a niece to spoil rotten.

After ensuring the water was at a satisfactory level and temperature, Izzy flicked off the faucet and turned on her knees to face Hope who was leaning against the doorframe timidly. "Your mommy needs to get some rest right now honey, but I _promise_ you'll see her soon okay?." She told her. "Come over here sweetie, the water's lovely."

The tiny girl stood her ground, staring down at the floor in disappointment. "I don't wan'nuh."

Izzy shook her head with a devious smirk as she opened up the cupboard under the sink. "All right, I think this calls for operation bath bomb."

Hope's curiosity began to grow as she watched Isabelle pull out a woven basket and set it down on the floor, it lured the toddler further into the bathroom and she approached Izzy with slow steps, her green eyes studying the basket full of colors.

"What's your favourite color?" Isabelle asked, watching Hope with a soft expression.

Like magic, the two-year-old stopped sulking and broke into a grin. "Pink!" She hollered, jumping up and down on the tiled floor.

Izzy giggled, and took a bright pink ball from the basket. "You said it sister!" She exclaimed. "Cm'ere, you're gonna love this."

Hope toddled over to Izzy, who was brushing off bath bomb residue from her silky black leggings. "Here," she said, handing Hope the bomb. "All you have do is drop it in there and be amazed!"

Hope squealed excitedly and tossed the bright ball into the water with a kerplunk, which she didn't fail to find hilarious. The infant watched in bemusement as it fizzed, crackled and turned the water a carnation pink color with a burst of gold glitter. Isabelle beamed as she watched little Hope's face light up with excitement.

"Wanna get in now?"

Hope nodded vigorously, her dirt-covered face beaming with delight. Izzy undressed and ran a hand through her matted blonde hair before lifting her almost weightless body up and lowering her into the bathtub, the little girl flinched at the warmth but soon took it in her stride as she began to splash around happily.

"Sparkies!" She giggled, mesmerised by the glittering pink water.

Izzy let out a laugh. "If you think the water's sparkly, wait till you see Magnus Bane, kid."

...

Clary's sobs echoed inside Jace's en-suite as she poured a large amount of his Brut shower gel onto her hand and scoured her skin with it. She was trying to wash off years of Sebastian's abuse, trying to scrape off any trace of her captor off of her skin. However, no matter how hard she dug her nails into her skin she could still felt him lingering. Clary turned the dial on the shower system until the water came out red hot, she didn't hesitate to douse her body in it.

She didn't care about the pain, in fact all she cared about was the relief she was getting from it as the hot water numbed all signs of violation. Choking on her gasps, Clary fell to the bottom of the bathtub and pulled her knees to her chest as the water rained down on her and turned her pale skin bright red.

Unbeknown to her, Jace was just outside and had his ear pressed to the door. Her crying was gut wrenching, and he felt powerless as he leaned all his weight on the bathroom door. He knew he could heal all of her physical injuries, but he couldn't touch what was going on inside her head.

It hurt him deeply.

After a few minutes of listening to his poor Clary's heartbreaking sobs, Jace heard the water cut off and the sound of her stepping out of the tub. He whirled around and barely made it a mere few steps down the corridor before he plunged his fist into the dry wall. Pain seared through his knuckle but he didn't wince. Bruised knuckles were nothing compared to what Clary had to endure. He wished there were some way of taking every last bit of of her pain, because he would do it in a heartbeat.

With a deep breath, he pulled out his stele and paused, before sighing and sliding it back into his pocket. Why take away his own pain when he couldn't do anything for Clary's? Why should he have relief when Clary needed it so desperately, yet he couldn't give it to her?

With that, he headed toward his bedroom and slammed the door shut.

...

"Mama!"

Sitting cross-legged on the bed inside the room she always took whenever she used to stay over at the institute, Clary looked up at the sound of her daughter's voice and immediately wiped away the silent tears spilling down her cheeks. She almost didn't recognise the little girl who came running into the room with a smile plastered to her face. In fact, she almost began to cry again as she took in Hope's appearance. The toddler's usually ratty and tousled hair had been french braided (Isabelle style) and fell in two damp blonde tails over her shoulders, the dirt had been washed from her face giving her a new kind of glow and she was wearing a cute little girl's nightgown which Isabelle went on to say used to belong to her when she was also a little girl.

Right now, Hope looked even more like an angel.

"Mm," Clary hummed, breathing in the rose-like scent coming from her daughter. "You smell so good."

"Zee-zee made me gwittery!" She beamed, pulling away to show her mom the golden sheen on her arm as a result of the bath bomb.

Clary smiled at Hope before looking up at Isabelle who was watching the mother and daughter intently. "Thank you for taking care of her, Isabelle. I missed you, by the way."

Tears gathered in the Lightwood girl's doe-eyes and she smiled as she sat down beside her and kissed the side of Clary's head. "No problem. And I missed you too, like crazy. I'm so glad you're safe."

Hope settled in Clary's arms and yawned, prompting her to run her thumb along her cheek. As the child's eyelids began to drop, Clary slowly started to sway from side to side and hummed softly in an attempt to help her drift off. Within a few moments, Hope was snoring lightly.

As Clary stroked Hope's cheek, Izzy suddenly became aware of the red-tinge to Clary's skin and her defined eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement. "Your skin is almost as red as your hair. What happened to you?!"

She shrugged it off as if she never meant to boil her skin into numbness. "I like my showers hot."

"Yeah," Isabelle said, setting a hand on Clary's reddened arm. "And so do I to an extent."

"Could you just lay off it, Izzy? I'm tired and I think it's time for me to hit the hey too." Clary told her, looking down at her sleeping daughter.

"Aren't you starving?" Izzy questioned, deciding to push Clary's angry skin to the back of her mind. "We're ordering chinese food."

Clary shook her head no. "I don't think either of us have the energy to eat right now, it's been three years from hell."

Izzy nodded and rose from the bed to walk toward the exit. "If you need anything, just give me a shout and that goes for all of us, Jace and Alec included."

"Thank you, Iz."

A small smile graced the dark haired girl's lips, and she turned to leave before Clary called her name again.

"Yeah?" She replied, peering in from the doorway.

"Has Simon asked about me?"

Isabelle grinned. "Clary, Simon forgot that he can't step foot in the institute and tried to charge in here, luckily I grabbed him before he burnt to a crisp."

"You'll tell him i'll come see him the second I get my strength back, won't you?" Clary asked, longing for her nerdy best friend.

"Of course I will. Goodnight Clary, sleep tight little Hope."

Isabelle flicked off the light, leaving only the dimness of the bedside lamp as a source of light. Clary gathered her daughter close before shuffling up the top end of the queen-sized bed and pulling back the cover. Once she laid Hope down, she began to stir and whimper at the lost warmth, prompting Clary to hush her as she climbed in beside the tiny girl. Dazily, Hope turned to face her mom and buried her placed her head just below her chin.

And as Clary breathed in Hope's new rosy scent, she began to whisper things she'd learned about this place called the world. She told her sleeping daughter about air that smelled so crisp and fresh, not dank and musty. She told Hope about foods that weren't just boiled cabbage and stale bread, sand that sunk under your toes, and her favourite country where Shadowhunters alike and downworlders became allies and witchlight lit up the streets.

Clary told Hope about this until her words melted into light, even breathing.


	6. Take A Breath

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN The Mortal Instruments series, it belongs to the amazingly talented (goddess) Cassandra Clare whom I love so much for creating this other world I can bury my crappy grades and extreme social anxiety in! :D

Hey guys! I'm back with a new chapter. Not sure I like this one very much though, :/

Trivia (fun fact) : I am a Sagittarius

Enjoy!

-DeevieKuo (Amy)

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 **IF YOU FIND ME**

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Chapter Six: Take A Breath

...

Even though Clary knew her friends and family meant well, she hated seeing the looks on their faces, the pity they had for her in their eyes, the way they looked when Hope would freak out over small things that would never usually bother a child who hadn't spent most of their life in darkness.

She'd been sleeping when it happened, a shrill scream coming from outside the spare bedroom jolted Clary into consciousness, and she swiftly ripped the sheets off her legs and scrambled off the bed in a frantic search for her little girl. Her heart was sent into overdrive as she exited the room and charged down the hallway. She found her, standing still in front of the very last room at the bottom of corridor—Jace's room— and before the tiny girl, perched a familiar blue Persian who licked his paw, totally unfazed.

In an instant, Clary crashed to her knees and turned the toddler around, pushing her down to sit on the floor. It was exactly what she'd expected was happening, there was a short burst of intense crying and then she went silent, her flushed red face frozen in a crying expression. She wasn't taking a breath.

Clary's eyes went wide and she did exactly what she did when this happened in the cellar, when a rat or Sebastian himself had frightened her into one of her breath holding spells. Immediately, Clary lay Hope on her back and leaned over her, holding her head straight and opening her mouth wide. "Breathe, Hope. Come on, baby just take a breath, you can do it."

Then, Jace's bedroom door opened and he peered down at the hysterical mother and daughter with immense concern, he lightly nudged the cat with his bare foot, prompting the Persian to stalk away. "What the hell happened, is she all right?" He asked, startling Clary. She hadn't noticed his presence until he spoke up,

"The cat, he-he must've frightened her, she's never seen one before." Clary told him, her eyes didn't leave her daughter's stupefied form. "She's gone into a breath holding spell."

Jace was taken aback. "Wait, what? Breath holding spells? She's not breathing?" He asked, before moving to Hope's other side. "By the angel," he observed, deadpanning at the struggling little girl. "I'll get Maryse."

"No, she comes out of it eventually." Clary said, grabbing Jace's arm without turning her attention away from Hope as she turned her on her back and patted her gently. "Come on Hope, just take a—"

Finally, the toddler sucked in a loud, gasping breath and began to sob. Clary sighed in relief and sat her up gently, the little girl wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. "It's all right, you're okay now." She whispered, peppering kisses onto Hope's head as she held her close. "Shhhh." Clary hushed her, as Jace watched on in shock and astonishment.

...

"There's no way that was normal, maybe I should call Magnus to check her over."

Clary shook her head as she placed her now sleeping daughter back in the queen-sized bed inside the spare bedroom she and Hope were temporarily occupying. She sat down on the bed's edge and leaned forward to kiss Hope's forehead as Jace stood in the doorway, ruled arms folded tightly against his bare chest, he still couldn't get rid of the fear in the pit of his stomach.

"It's three in the morning, Jace. I doubt Magnus would be too happy." Clary said, staring at her daughter.

"It doesn't matter-"

"She'll be fine, okay Jace?" She retorted. "A little tired for a while, but she'll be fine."

Jace frowned. "Wait, so this has happened before?"

Clary bit her lip and turned to him. "She's been locked in a maniac's cellar for the majority of her life, of course it's happened before."

His heart clenched, and he suddenly felt like the worst person in the world as he watched Clary quickly wipe away her tears. The memory of her sobbing in the shower came back to bite him in the ass, and he took a seat on the end of the bed. "God, i'm sorry Clary."

"Don't be, there's nothing to be sorry about." She assured him, climbing over Hope's sleeping from and onto the other side of the bed.

Jace looked at the little girl for a while and watched her chest rise and fall. Then he looked at Clary and decided to ask his itching question. "Are you going to tell her that i'm her father?"

Clary averted her eyes. "Well uh, I wasn't really uh...Sure if you were okay with it. I mean, it's been three years Jace, I don't know where Hope or I stand."

He moved forward and took her hand, he was grateful that she didn't flinch this time. "You stand where you always stood, Clary. And I want to be in our daughter's life."

She was about to say something back when Hope stirred awake and sat up, rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Mama?" She asked, groggily.

"Yeah, baby?" Clary answered.

"Is dere bread?"

She swallowed hard and shook her head before pulling the little girl into her arms and hoisting her above her hip as she got off the bed. "You'll never have to eat another slice of stale bread in your life." She told her, before glancing at the clock, it was just gone four am. "Lets get you some breakfast." She then turned to Jace who looked saddened, possibly at the whole 'stale bread' comment. "You coming?" She asked.

"Sure, I don't sleep these days anyway."

They headed down to the Institute's kitchen, on the way though, Clary froze in her tracks and almost caused Jace to bump into her. There were loud, whispering voices coming from Maryse's office and she was straining her ears to make out the words being said and managed to hear 'minions' and 'on the loose' until Hope got uncomfortable and shuffled in her mom's hold.

"Maaa-mee." She whined, against Clary's neck.

"Right, okay baby girl." Clary answered, and continued in the kitchen's direction, with Jace following.

Upon entering, Jace switched on the lights as Clary got Hope situated in a high-stool before a large marble counter. He pulled out three ceramic bowls from a cupboard above their heads and set them down. "Is cheerios okay? Someone must've forgot to go grocery shopping, it's the only cereal here."

"Yeah, it's fine." Clary responded, anything was better than Sebastian's stale bread.

When Hope received her bowl, a spoon and its uses were completely unacknowledged and she dipped her hand into the milk and hungrily shovelled fistfuls of the cereal into her mouth.

"Ah, ah." Clary said, taking Hope's wrist and wiping the milk off with a nearby tea-towel. "Things are different now, we don't eat stale bread anymore which means we use this to eat food with." Clary held up the utensil, and Hope stared at it, furrowing her tiny blonde eyebrows. "Watch mommy." She said, and scooped up some of her daughter's cereal with it. "Now open." Hope complied and opened her mouth wide, prompting Clary to slide the spoon inside.

"I'nna do it now!" Hope insisted, she took the spoon in her little hand, and eagerly gathered the little hoops on it and slid it into her mouth. She smiled up at Clary as milk dripped down her chin. Clary chuckled, grabbing the tea towel and tucking it down the old disney princess nightgown of Isabelle's she was wearing. "Do you like those?"

Hope nodded her head, tucking into another messy spoonful. Jace didn't take his eyes off the toddler as she gobbled the cereal down like it'd be the last meal she'd ever have. It was heartbreaking, and kind of like watching one of those animal shelter commercials where they'd give a neglected puppy some food and it'd gulp it down just like Hope was now doing. Clary was trying to have some manners, but Jace noticed the way she was also quickly eating her food.

"There's plenty more from where that came from." Said Jace, once Hope finished her bowl and looked down at it longingly.

Never in his life had he seen a child's face light up the way hers did after he'd said that.

...

The next few weeks were hard for Clary, all she wanted to do was see Simon, who'd been receiving updates from Isabelle, as his vampirism banned him from stepping foot in the institute. However, Magnus and the healers were insisting that she and Hope stayed at the institute for their own safety. Magnus had been giving Hope all the vaccinations she'd missed out on as a baby, including vitamin supplements, all of which were in the form of a spell. Hope grew very fond of Magnus which Clary found very strange considering the toddler's extreme phobia of Church, Magnus literally looked like a cat so why her daughter wasn't fazed by his eyes was anyone's guess. She'd tried to convince Hope that Church was a nice kitty and wouldn't do anything to hurt her, but she wasn't having any of it.

The only breath holding spell Hope went through in the next weeks were due to excitement which Clary had thought was so much better than it being due to fright. She was also getting used to her new grandparents. Jocelyn and Luke would visit the institute with colouring books and puzzles to keep her occupied. Hope wasn't fussed about being cooped up in the institute, probably because it was all she knew and was happy to sit and play with Jocelyn and Luke, the Lightwoods and even Jace. Clary however was itching to get away from the place, to get a change of scenery. She also couldn't help but get jealous when Izzy, Alec and Jace were sent out on missions without her.

Oh how she longed to hold a stele in her hands again.

The only dilemma Hope was showing was that she _hated_ being left alone, Clary could not leave her daughter with her paper and coloured crayons for even five minutes without her freaking out. She didn't blame her though, the poor girl was probably thinking back to their days in Sebastian's hands where she'd been left alone for hours at a time most days.

"Well," Clary sighed, standing in the Institute's living area as her daughter sobbed into her jeans, holding tightly onto her legs. "Guess that's a no to showering." She bent and plucked Hope from the ground, the toddler immediately stopped crying and huddled close to her mom. Clary grabbed the landline she'd been told to use in case of an emergency and punched in some numbers, after a little while, she heard the voice she'd been longing to hear for so long.

"Simon, it's Clary. Meet me at Central Park, stat."

...

Hope giggled as she slid down the slide and into Clary's arms in the children's play area of Central Park, the toddler shrieked as her mom swung her up before placing her down on the brightly colored asphalt. Hope then ran back toward the little ladder leading to the slide, her cute french braid bouncing on her back. As Clary watched on, her legs began to feel a little tired from all the standing and she eventually caught sight of a bench shaped like a turtle.

"Hope," Clary said, catching the two-year-old's attention as she sat down at the top of the slide. "I'm just gonna go and sit down on that bench over there, all right?"

The toddler made a face.

"I'll be just over there, and i'll be watching you the whole time." She promised, to which Hope wasn't totally on board with. "Come on, where did all your brave go? Just do this for mommy, please?"

"Ohh-tayy." Hope sighed, before proceeding to go down the slide.

Clary smiled and made her way to the bench, where she tiredly collapsed and breathed out in relief. As she kept a hawk's eye on her daughter, Clary tuned into the sound of the nearby trees swooshing two and fro, and indulged in the feeling of the sun beaming down on her, she'd never been so appreciative it's rays getting in her eyes and prompting her to use a hand to shield them from it.

"Mama, look! look!" Hope yelled, joyfully.

"Okay i'm looking." Clary replied, watching Hope go down the slide again before taking her eyes of her once again to scan the whole park for anything suspicious.

While she enjoyed wallowing in her her freedom, she couldn't get rid of the paranoia lurking in the pit of her stomach. So when she heard her name being called just a few steps away, her heart was sent into a frenzy. She whirled around as fast as she could, but a whole different feeling overwhelmed her when she saw Simon looking at her quizzically. She broke into a smile, and tears blurred her vision as she charged up to him and engulfed him in a hug.


End file.
